1. |
GENTLE PORNOGRAPHY
01:49
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2. |
REFRIGERATOR LIGHT BULB
03:19
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You call me “demon.”
You call me a witch.
Joke’s on you,
I’m just your average bitxh.
Paranoid delusions
of my dark mind.
Why don’t you come inside?
I don’t bite…
HARD!
Maybe you’re right
about all the bad things you say about me.
Maybe I truly am
the one real enemy.
There’s one thing
I can tell you.
I certainly am
my own worst enemy!
It takes blood
to feed a monster.
But doesn’t letting me starve
make you a monster, too?
I’m like a refrigerator light bulb.
I look like I’ll burn you, but I can’t.
I’ll provide the light
to you all night,
until you don’t need me anymore.
Tossed in the trash
like last week’s food.
Always tell me you love me,
then prove it’s not true.
I guess vampires
are loyal to a fault.
I should have known the night
you let me fall.
But now I’m nothing
to you but a witch,
a bitxh,
a demon.
Tell me what I could have done
Differently.
Tell me why you never said
anything was wrong.
And still,
I love you.
I’d let you back in my life
in a second.
How foolish I must be
that I dream about it.
But to you,
I’m just a fucking witch.
But to you,
I’m just a fucking bitxh.
So burn me
at the stake.
Let the flames
baptize me.
Let true heat
consume me.
demon
witch
bitxh
demon
witch
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3. |
CASTLE
03:29
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Welcome home.
I’ve missed your glare.
Oh, this sword?
It’s rude to stare.
Don’t worry, dear.
I’ll be right here.
No need to fear.
I’m just a sweet nightmare.
Welcome back
to this castle of
horrors and lust,
teeth and blood.
The crown is mine.
The night is divine.
No one will hear us.
No one will care.
Welcome back
to this castle of
horrors and lust,
teeth and blood.
The reaper’s here.
Come take my hand.
Go out with honor.
Go out a man.
For once in your life,
act like a man.
Not an abuser,
pitiful and damned.
Welcome back
to this castle of
horrors and lust,
teeth and blood.
Dry your eyes.
It will be all right.
The world will be
better without you.
Welcome back
to this castle of
horrors and lust,
teeth and blood.
My sword is sharp.
It will be over soon.
Now you know
I’m a villain, too.
Do you hate me for
acting just like you?
You silly boy.
I have nothing left to lose.
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4. |
VAMPYRE TRAP
03:42
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Would you let me sink my teeth in?
Got more blood, now I can beat this.
These hunters think they outwit me,
but they’ll never leave this city.
Fall into my vampyre trap.
If vamps aren’t real, it won’t be so bad.
Do you think you’ll learn your lesson?
If not, there’s more where that came from.
Hounds of Hell, they hear my cry.
We feast upon your toxic lies.
Now when you go meet your maker,
tell Them that a fake bitxh sent you.
Crawling out of my deep well,
darkness cradles me, sweet Bael.
I will make Him proud tonight -
proud enough to turn me right.
This sweet victory is mine.
You’re nothing but blood to dine.
Careful before you catch cold
from the aura of my bones.
You may not believe in me,
but I’ll still set you free -
set you free up towards the sky.
Wouldn’t you love to fly?
Fly up there and say to them,
“Vamps are real. I’ve witnessed them.”
Now who will be laughed at?
Karma is coming for you real fast.
The blood pools around my legs.
Blood of all those who’ve betrayed -
betrayed me and took their side.
Vengeance, tonight, is mine.
Now you’ll beg for petty life,
which you’ll no doubt not use right.
Why should I let you live
and hurt another like you did me?
Death is not punishment enough.
You should thank me for swift execution.
You should grovel at my feet.
I’m your god now,
pray to me.
No amount of tears you cry
will make what you did right.
You won’t be the first to go.
I will end the next real slow.
Pray…
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5. |
MEDIEVAL
03:41
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Creeping around
in the dark.
I smell your fear.
I hear your heart.
Darling, close your eyes.
Pull the sheets up tight.
You know why I’m here.
Let the darkness take you, dear.
I’m about to go
medieval on your soul.
It’s what you deserve.
This is gonna hurt.
Disease spread
from your lungs to me.
I snuff you out
with my vaccine.
Darling, close your eyes.
Pull the sheets up tight.
You know why I’m here.
Let the darkness take you, dear.
Looking like
a frightened dear.
At least fight
for your life, mon cher.
Darling, close your eyes.
Pull the sheets up tight.
You know why I’m here.
Let the darkness take you, dear.
I’m about to go
medieval on your soul.
It’s what you deserve.
This is gonna hurt.
Call me
a monster.
I can at least
admit it.
I’m about to go
medieval on your soul.
It’s what you deserve.
This is gonna hurt.
My sword sinks
into your gut.
A pathetic show
of cowardice.
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6. |
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Thorns dig in,
knife sticks out.
Arms outstretched,
can’t breathe right now.
Choking on air,
lungs full of mud.
I deserve this
for what I’ve done.
Heavy is the head
that wears the crown.
Neck caving in.
Blood pouring down.
Turn to gold
on a hill of dirt.
I want this pain,
I want this hurt.
With my last breath,
I scream your name.
My eyes roll back.
Lights start to fade.
Heavy is the head
that wears the crown.
Neck caving in.
Blood pouring down.
Turn to gold
on a hill of dirt.
I want this pain,
I want this hurt.
I see you now
in my mind.
I wipe your tears
and say goodnight.
Like a lamb
to the slaughter.
They used me up,
made me a martyr.
Heavy is the head
that wears the crown.
Neck caving in.
Blood pouring down.
Turn to gold
on a hill of dirt.
I want this pain,
I want this hurt.
I never asked
to become this.
You blame me, but,
I was just a kid.
Heavy is the head
that wears the crown.
They’re setting fire
to me now.
Liquid gold
pours to the ground.
Beside the pyre,
they dance around.
I’ve told you once,
I’ll tell you again.
All I wanted
was to be your friend.
All I wanted
was to see you smile again.
And all I got
was death and hatred.
(Heavy is the head
that wears the crown.)
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7. |
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Do you remember that night as vividly as I do?
Does it haunt you, too?
The blood that dripped down my arm,
a physical manifestation of your hate.
May Chris wish death upon himself.
May Chris wish death upon himself.
The bathroom door I locked
tightly to keep you out.
I ran from you like
a child runs from shadows.
May Chris wish death upon himself.
May Chris wish death upon himself.
The thing about shadows is
you slide right through them.
Would have given anything to
slide right through you.
How was I to know
where your darkness would go?
How was I to know
the true extent of your evil?
May Chris wish death upon himself.
May Chris wish death upon himself.
May his dreams be haunted by my sorrow.
May he feel my trauma in his own bones.
May Chris wish death upon himself.
May Chris wish death upon himself.
How does it feel to taste my pain?
How does it feel
for the rain to hit like razor blades?
What would you do to end
this godawful pain?
Well, it’s never ending
and now you know how I feel.
May Chris wish death upon himself.
May Chris wish death upon himself.
May Chris wish death upon himself.
May Chris wish death upon himself.
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8. |
MOURNING DOVE
03:23
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Outside my window there’s a mourning dove.
It sings its sad song, and I sing along.
We have both been through so much,
but close your eyes, little one.
You are alive.
You sing through the night.
And though your wings may be
clipped like mine,
hold on tight and face the light.
We have both been through so much,
but close your eyes, little one.
You are alive.
I know there’s no end in sight,
but I promise you’ll be all right.
Never let the darkness snuff out your fire.
Stay true and strong for you.
We have both been through so much,
but close your eyes, little one.
You are alive.
Tonight we both cry for the ones we lost.
We write their names in songs.
Keep their memories living on.
But we must remember we’re alive.
Close your eyes, little one.
You are alive.
Outside my window there’s a mourning dove.
I watch it fly into the blanket of night.
And I know it will be all right.
I close my eyes.
I’m alive.
I close my eyes.
I’m alive.
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9. |
ANGEL'S RIBS
00:59
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10. |
IF IT BLEEDS
02:49
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I carved scars into my body
because I couldn’t see the scars in my mind.
I tore open the organs inside me
so I could see why they scream in pain.
How could I know that my sorrow
did not have an obvious source?
Beaten and broken,
they all stop to watch me,
a spectacle I’ve made of myself.
If it bleeds,
you’ll want to fuck it.
If it screams,
you’ll want to punch it.
If it cries,
you’ll want to film it
until it dies for one last story.
We are all pigs baying for blood,
acting as though we’re not like that.
The truth will set you free into a
world where you can learn to change yourself.
If it bleeds,
you’ll want to fuck it.
If it screams,
you’ll want to punch it.
If it cries,
you’ll want to film it
until it dies for one last story.
I starved myself until I saw the angels.
They were always the ones I love.
I couldn’t see that before,
but now I know there is light in the darkness.
Bent and broken,
the blood I craved was the blood
that comes from my own flesh.
I fed it when I refused to feed my
self that was starving on loneliness.
If it bleeds,
you’ll want to fuck it.
If it screams,
you’ll want to punch it.
If it cries,
just don’t film it.
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11. |
COUER D'AGNEAU
03:12
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Little lamb,
cold and alone,
I’ll take you to my castle,
a place to call home.
There are sheep abound
with hearts of black,
but you, little lamb,
are pure.
So pure, in fact,
you don’t see it yourself,
and think you are one of the others.
Espi had a little lamb
whose soul was white as snow.
And everywhere that Espi went
the lamb was sure to go.
I look at you,
and I see your beauty.
I see the way you carry hearts so,
like treasured glass
or paper dolls,
my heart is yours to hold.
The sheep with the white heart
knows not it’s beautiful.
It assumes it’s like
everyone else.
But you, my sweet,
little lamb of my dreams,
are not like them at all.
Espi had a little lamb
who had secret powers.
It turned into golden butterflies
that stole away their sorrow.
I will turn to a cloud of moths,
and you golden butterflies,
and we will outrun our pain
and fall into the night.
I’ll catch your little body
as it falls into my arms.
I know you’ll do the same for me,
as I remember to trust.
Please be patient with me,
as I let you in.
My heart’s been staked so many times
by my former friends.
But I want to let you deep inside
to the depths of my flesh.
Our bones will melt together,
we’ll force each other to live.
Espi had a little lamb.
“Je t’aime, Alys.
Je t’aime.
Je t’aime, Alys.”
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12. |
WARRIOR OF LIGHT
03:12
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There came a light.
So hot, so bright.
I followed it,
but I still lost them.
Darkness falls upon the light.
Holding onto hope feels impossible.
Impossible.
I promised to save them, remember them,
but the weight of despair
seems crushing now.
Impossible.
There came a light.
So hot, so bright.
I held it tight,
but still it slipped out.
I’m stretching out my hand
towards the light.
Have courage now,
and it will be all right.
There came a light.
So hot, so bright.
You felt it, too,
but my faith was gone.
For all I’ve loved
and all I’ve lost
my desire to save them all
is never enough.
If only you were here to say,
“I forgive you.
Cease this anguish.”
But I cry out into a cold night,
“There came a light.”
I stood up then
and chose to live.
How can I remember them,
how can I try to save them
if I’m dead?
There came a light.
So hot, so bright.
He took my hand
and taught me how to feel again.
For all I’ve loved
and all I’ve lost,
I live for you
and will not fail you twice.
Though it will hurt,
and though hope will falter,
I will defeat fear
and give you my honor.
There came a light.
So hot, so bright.
There came a light.
So hot, so bright.
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13. |
DAYWALKER
03:25
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I step out into the light.
You thought you knew my weakness.
Sun’s rays dancing across my skin.
You should know I’m full of surprises.
I’m a daywalker.
Don’t need no umbrella.
I’ll hunt you down in afternoon’s light
and take your blood to my picnic.
Why do you always underestimate me?
Why do you always give me reason to prove you wrong?
You should know better than to test a vampire.
A grudge that will last an eternity long.
I don’t want to have to constantly convince you I’m worthy.
But I’ll do whatever I have to do to make you see you’re wrong.
Out here, in the grass, sky turns redder than blood.
I wipe my eyes, the sun rises, greets me like an old friend.
I’m a daywalker.
Don’t need no umbrella.
I’ll hunt you down in afternoon’s light
and take your blood to my picnic.
How far I’ve come since I was a baby bat.
You tried to snuff the light out of my eyes,
but I’m burning brighter than I’ve ever been.
How angry I would be if I were you.
That pale fire fading out in the distance.
Always trying to become the sun to destroy me.
Joke’s on you, I’ve been the sun the whole time.
How easy it was to fool you.
I’m a daywalker.
Don’t need no umbrella.
I’ll hunt you down in afternoon’s light
and take your blood to my picnic.
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14. |
STAKE
02:58
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You can stake me with wood,
but I’ll spike you back with words.
You can drive your weapons through me,
but I cannot be killed.
Tender is the flesh
that receives your pain.
But I’ll heal and stand back up.
You thought you could hunt me down,
but I’m the hunter now.
You can stake me with wood,
but I’ll spike you back with spite.
Try to stay awake all night,
you won’t outlast me.
You can stake me with wood,
but I’ll spike you back with pride.
Your attempts to take me down
have all been futile.
Here I stand.
Here I sing.
A vampire under the moonlight,
laughing in your face.
You can stake me with wood,
but I’ll spike you back with fear.
Everyone will know
the horrible things you did here.
You can stake me with wood,
but I’ll spike you back with love.
A force so powerful
it destroys any armor.
Try to kill me again,
and you’ll see the light -
the light from the moon,
as she waves at you goodbye.
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15. |
I LOVE TORTURE!
03:10
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Cracking skulls into the ground.
Turning organs upside down.
Pulling legs off with a horse.
Iron maiden’s bosom so coarse.
I love torture!
So I do it on myself.
Much as I’d love to take it out on him,
Lord knows I could not do it.
I love the color of my blood,
and I love to lap it up.
Please don’t tell on me.
Can’t vampires have hobbies?
Sawing rapists in half.
Burned alive inside a cow.
Stuck inside an iron cage.
Pear of anguish makes a cave.
Wheel bend them back around.
Guillotine falls down.
Whoops, I guess you’re dead.
She said “off,” I took her head.
I love torture!
So I do it to myself.
But every night before bed
I dream of hurting him instead.
He deserves it more than I do,
but I cannot bring myself to
punish him for what he's done.
I’ll just name him in a song.
The pillory, good enough for me.
Name and shame him.
Make him feel disgusting.
A lighter sentence than he deserves.
Eaten alive by bugs.
Scratched with claws of golden tone.
Stuffed inside a tiny box.
Sat on a chair of nails and rocks.
Spike dug into the tongue.
Head held up with Satan’s fork.
Electrocution, the main course.
I love torture!
So I do it to myself.
And I hope that one day soon
I can do the same to you.
You know who you are.
Tortured me for years
with the trauma you inflicted.
Nothing I could do to you
could compare to what you did to me.
You best sleep with one eye open.
Not a threat, but a promise.
Don’t look so afraid.
You knew this would come one day.
I love torture!
I love torture!
I love torture!
I love torture!
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16. |
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My ribs will spread open and turn into wings.
The cuts in my skin will grow flowers from them.
I am just a doll,
don’t need much to live.
Will you stay with me until the end?
You brush my hair as it falls out.
I can hear him,
footsteps come down.
Hide in the light,
he won’t think to look there.
Just cover your ears
and try not to stare.
When it is over don’t look at me
with eyes I can feel that are judging me.
Just take my hand,
we’ll get away soon.
I promise you I’m coming with you.
Don’t hold my wrist down oh, oh so tight.
I do not wish to, but I do bite.
You want me to eat, so I’ll make the meal you
if you keep doing things you shouldn’t do.
I feel your eyes bored into me.
I know you watch me bent over the sink.
I stumble and fall down to the toilet.
Vomit clogs my throat like fucking cement.
The blood mixes with it.
“Dinner for two,” I laugh nervously.
You are not laughing,
nor should you be.
Down on the floor of the bathtub.
You clean up your doll,
rub-a-dub-dub.
Your hand grips my throat as a warning.
If I kill myself, you will kill me.
Rebellious nature begs me to defy.
Rebellious nature makes me grab the knife.
I look at my bones under my flesh.
Like moonlit petals, they glow divinely.
I only wish all the others could see
the art of my flesh, it’s so heavenly.
I take control.
My body’s for me.
It’s not for Chris,
nor the boy who touched me.
I can do with it as I please.
You cannot tell me what’s best for me.
Only I live inside this body.
You say you love me, but do you know
how much I long to be in control?
You tell me I’m hurting myself.
I’m already so broken,
I don’t see how.
Come talk to me when your body’s destroyed
by some little boy who thought he was owed.
I will do everything that I can
just to make this body mine again.
So dress me up and show me off.
Just remember Barbie’s the one
who calls the shots.
And late at night when you worry for me,
remember we all die,
and go back to sleep.
I’m sorry if I upset you, but it is true.
No use worrying about things you can’t rule.
I learned that lesson a long time ago,
which is why I’ve made my body my own.
And in the night if it comes for me,
I cannot wait for the big sleep.
I cannot wait for the big sleep.
I cannot wait for the big sleep.
I cannot wait for the big sleep.
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17. |
VILLAIN
03:07
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I can play my role to perfection.
Be the villain you always wanted.
If that’s how we’re playing,
then here I am.
The antagonist of your story -
finally worth a damn.
You couldn’t drain the life out of me.
Finally found a use
for my broken body.
Where were you
when I was dying in the bathroom?
Feels good to be the hero
when it suits you.
A matter of convenience
is all I was.
Once I’d served my purpose,
you found me a new one.
I can play my role to perfection.
Be the villain you always wanted.
Just pointing fingers
like you love to do.
It’s everyone else’s fault,
never you.
The red flags were up
on that day years ago.
But in my rose-colored glasses,
they all looked pink.
I’m holding up my own
red flags now.
Make sure everyone knows
I’m going to Hell.
Is that what you want from me?
Just a new reason to make me bleed.
I never claimed that I am a saint,
but you have a habit
of discussing yourself that way.
I hope Heaven’s boring -
as boring as you.
I’m gonna party with Lucifer
like villains do.
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18. |
HEAVEN'S NIGHT
01:01
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Espi Kvlt
Just a gay trans writing gay trans songs.
Part-time trap metal musician, part time singer-songwriter, full-time vampire elf.
They/Vamp/Elv/He
NB Vampyre Elf
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